Alex and Adrian's Unattended Baggage

As Trump and Putin carve up Ukraine, we go through the potential scenarios, and try to figure out whether Trump is a Russian asset, or he has just ensured Putin’s defeat in a brillant manipulation…and if so, did he actually mean to do it. Warren Sapp knows his rights, prosecution screws up bigtime in the Luigi trial, and with the Prophecy of the Popes come true?

Alex and Adrian have a strenuous debate over…socks, Elon and his kid show the world who’s boss, if he actually abolishes the IRS then maybe he IS my President, corporations don’t have political ideologies, we’re gonna need more asteroids, maybe that’s enough intelligence, it’s now called the Colossus of Choads, and you’re telling me 10,000 Mexican troops on the border is a good thing?

Adrian thinks he figured out Elon the tech bros’ secret plan, and he lays out the process they’re using to collapse the US government and replace it with Galt’s Gulch for them and The Matrix for us, the Super Bowl proves anti-Woke is the new Woke, Alex urges you  not to charge your EV past 80%, and what’s up with all these Nazis?

Alex goes on a rampage against Senators for picking on his (possibly) turn-coat girlfriend, DeepSeek’s “inner monolog” sounds like a foul-mouthed, stress-out cubicle worker, we wonder if Trump & Elon are actually planning an “Oceans 11” heist, the War on Woke goes Cyber, and we’re not buying the FAA’s stories…any of them.

Alex’s OCD extends to social invitations, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of Trump’s first week in office, Biden pardons Fauci for murdering 20 million people, maybe America just needs to get laid, we’re pulling for the New California Republic, our karaoke experiment goes horribly wrong, and did Elon rig Pennsylvania?

Aging Gen X’ers Alex and Adrian bemoan everything wrong with these darn kids today, Alex learns his girlfriend has been lying to him, there are more robots than humans now fighting in Ukraine, new “Deportation” reality show premieres Tuesday, get ready for X-Tok, government stealing babies from the womb, and there’s a reason you’re dreaming of Jake from State Farm.

Adrian stumbles upon a voodoo ritual while waiting for his cyborg wife, Alex proposes a Presidential Dead Pool, America is colonizing like it’s 1825, META democratizes censorship, US House (AKA AIPAC) saves Bibi from the lawman, Ohio will bill you for the body cam, ackchyually it’s “The Gulf of Florida,” and LA apparently thought EVs and goats would save them from global burning.

Alex plans to study the Bible to combat Christians, Adrian re-gifts Alex then demands payment, we should ask ourselves why military vets are committing terror acts, NIH did gain-of-function research on Bird Flu in COVID reboot, you don’t have a right to clean water because of political donations, and Americans apparently no longer understand fog.

If Lincoln had his way we’d all be dancing the hokey pokey, Trump reached down between his legs and eased the seat back, check the nursing homes if you’re looking for members of Congress, new law will turn Gen Alpha into world-class hackers, and without government who will build the radioactive roads?

Google CEO says “we better have our hand on the plug” when he turns AGI loose, how to become a professional drinker, crude oil now being delivered by sailboats, government tells officials to use Telegram because the NSA got hacked, beware the wrath of Gaetz, Assad flips and turns to Israel to save his skin, and we add Cheech & Chong to the Dystopian Future Chart.