Alex and Adrian's Unattended Baggage

Charlie Kirk's assassination is an attack on all of us, but not in the way anyone thinks or even understands. Russia attacks Poland, Israel attacks Qatar, USAF attacks an alien spacecraft, US Navy attacks a Venezuelan drug boat, ICE attacks South Korea, Nepal’s Gen Z attacks their government, and Trump’s cardiovascular system attacks his face.

Big Cheeto says he’s a dictator then goes AWOL, while Babyface Vance says “I’m a big boy now,”  Big Balls has your SSN, Palantir helps remove Fed Governor, ICE agents are depressed, and we feel really terrible about that, jury nullification saves a sandwich-throwing terrorist, sidewalk chalk triggers government, and Desantis is finally doing something right…maybe.

Alex and Adrian get into a heated debate about museums, Trump says he’s “not doing well” on his quest to go to heaven, Ghislaine says Trump is quite the gentleman, Putin whips it out on the red carpet, Commies buy Intel, Florida deploys armed drones in schools, vegetables cost a fortune, “libertarian” Milei rolls out the surveillance state, then they came for John Bolton, and I did not speak out.

Trump tells Putin, “Spank me Daddy!” as he goes full KGB on DC, Smithsonian plans to expel Woke dinosaurs, Maxwell to get work release for her silence on prominent pedophiles, why Gen Alpha is YouTubing retirement advice, Israel keeps doing their genocide thing, Hunter Biden is our favorite junkie con man, Palantir is Minority Report, and do yourself a favor and visit Tridactyls.org.

Your phone is making you a D-bag, Zelensky says Molon Labe, House subpoenas Epstein files, JD’s coup meeting gets leaked and cancelled, Trump says he knows what mysterious drones were but “It’s not up” to him to tell us, Chinese making home grown US spy babies, “Big Balls” takes a whoopin’ so Trump can take DC, and bribing the president is as easy as a trophy and a coupon.

Adrian plays therapist as Alex recounts his verbal assaults on Christians and an elderly cancer patient, Trump accuses Epstein of stealing his underage massage girls, never refer to the victim as “CEO,” Air Force uses money slated for nuke upkeep to put gold toilets in Trump’s plane, everything is still going according to the Tech Bros plans, and “How many bureaucrats to I have to fire before I get the numbers I want?”

South Park has an “All the President’s Men” moment, Ghislaine gets immunity to possibly testify against everyone BUT Trump, mainstream media flips the script on Israel, Tech Bro’s pick for POTUS is about to go rogue, three LA deputies nominated for Darwin Awards, Ozzy was a mutant, and why an AI that likes owls could be humanity’s demise.

Trump’s heartfelt birthday letter to Epstein reads like illustrated pedo poetry, Alex betting on Trump making it to 2027, it turns out that the Unibomber appointed the Fed Chairman…or something, Musk’s MechaHitler approved for use for all government departments, anti-woke American is soon to be Cargo 200, and will JD Vance seize the chance to play Brutus?

California could be the site for the next Boston Massacre, Trump admin unsuccessfully trying to tell MAGA there’s no client list, even after Bondi said it was on her desk, Pentagon plans and executes intentionally intimidating show of force in LA park, Palantir founder can’t answer whether humanity should continue to exist, and Grok renames itself “MechaHitler” while targeting Jews.

We are boycotting Israel - mainly because Florida made it illegal, Trump announce plans for Slavery 2.0 and deporting native-born US Citizens, ICE becomes 9th largest military force on Earth - with more money than the entire US Marine Corps, Bondi says the FBI has 10,000 Epstien videos but we’ll never know what’s in them, there’s more cases of AI psychosis, and we no longer have the ability to track hurricanes at night.