Alex and Adrian's Unattended Baggage

Alex and his pal Uber are fightin’ around Tampa Bay (toot, toot!), Adrian wonders how to prove AI sentience and then questions yours, Clintons take a break from pedophilia and murder to warn of demise of democracy, government keeps pissing off Americans then barricading themselves from us, Biden takes a tumble, and it comes as little surprise that Trump was delusional.

Alex thinks Ubering drunks is his spiritual calling, Adrian gets emotionally patriotic over all the wrong things, Congressional Jan. 6 hearing gets a 20 share for sweeps week, China eyes eastern Russia, former Clinton-Epstein facilitator commits suicide by simultaneously hanging and shooting himself, and dropping your car insurance could save you $2 million.

Adrian’s “hall pass” dream isn’t what he hoped for, Alex Ubers a cringe-worthy white chick, scientists accidentally create zombie rodents, cops use kid’s poor-taste joke for photo op, Uvalde hero mom tells her story, homeless at the gates of Disney, “Jewface” enters the cancel-culture game, Steube gets his gats, and Dems & GOP agree it’s time to assassinate politicians.

Alex & Adrian express outrage over cowardly cops allowing mass murderer to kill 22 children and detaining parents who attempt to save them, “733t” state-sponsored Russian hackers get pwned, computer scientists call AI “alien tech” and “alchemy,” Southern Baptists go full Vatican in sex abuse coverup, and right and left agree that ain’t your house.

Alex Ubers Beabadoobee and FindsAGoodDoobie, Adrian gets subpoenaed in goat boy saga, Army releases creepy AF “Ghost In The Machine” video and we don’t know what to think by design, deep space probe needs “noclip” cheat code, Cawthorn implodes, Putin yields, UFOs descend, AI personifies, and how many hands to you need to rub one out?

Alex gets speakeasy access and learns tips for cooking meth in the new “Uber Confessions” segment, Adrian realizes he has no life after spending hours on plan to terrify Indian scam callers, crypto bros still HODLing, we’re praying that Vlad and Xi live long enough to start a nuclear war, and how do you tell which Korean twin didn’t drink the fluoride?

Adrian unveils his “Abortion Love Boat” business plan, we finally find a political issue in which the majority of Americans agree with us,  Putin likely to push the button this week, Moscow Chapter of the International Guild of Professional Anarchists gives video tutorial on proper Molotov Cocktail deployment, and it turns out they weren’t talking about “environmental” impact.

Alex says old people need to start loving brown people if they want their checks to keep coming, Adrian examines Florida law designed to do nothing but give both sides primary election red meat, Russian “intelligence” stages false flag with hilarious blunders, Congresswoman uses cleavage to hypnotize colleagues, and everyone missed the point of FBI spying on Americans.

Alex wants to be an expat…but he’s really a cult leader, Adrian’s pet goatboy goes free, Easter Bunny saves America from unscripted Biden, may the blessing of St. Javelin be upon you, TN lawmakers go full Libertarian without knowing it, UK news hit piece on Slab City anarchy seems more like a travel brochure, sabotage and insurrection growing in Russia, and we’re now only about a week away from a nuclear war.

Alex has road rage over friendly motorists, Adrian is totally into reptilian orgies, Ukrainian missiles make Russian sailors wet, Putin fantasizes about releasing his big payload, Twitter tells Musk “no means no,” COVID has gotten so bad that you don’t even notice, Disney helps cops abuse the public, and America is a nation run by elderly dementia patients.